SPRAWL HARD

dear florida,

this is the 2nd time in my life that i’ve left you in a huff. well, maybe not so much a huff as a sort of fleeing. but, look at you, teasing me with your warm velvety waters and thick sing song air.

your sky blows my mind practically every day.
your light is so stunning i think it might actually have mass.
and your green growing things and blue-green waters send me to—i don’t know, someplace i came from. which of course i do, which gives me the right to think that you are a shithole as often as I want. you’re like some stringy-haired blonde with a rich golden tan, an insane rack, and shit for brains. and that's all i think i need to say about that.

anyway, you are fucking gorgeous. no doubt.

coming here was familiar and strange. being here was really tough, and leaving here is a breeze.

my friend lin scolded me for texting her to “see my blog” after she’d called to see how we were doing during fay. we were just too busy to return phone calls so yeah, i took the easy electronic way out. and no, there are no flood waters to battle at the moment but ask me again in a few days. you know, stupid florida-- out there like a bad dangling participle.
so anyway, here i am doing it again. because i am all about easy right now because my brain is a frazzled ball of bubble wrap and lost sharpies and packing tape and crazy questions i keep asking me like, what is this? how did it get here? is this even mine? oh, look! there’s that awesome YES Tour ‘77 t-shirt and man, when did i get so old? hey where’s the other part that goes on the end of this schplipper-thingy? god, was i that thin? Ouch. look! what’s this? oh, an almond. is this from yesterday? yummy. Do we have any of that hibiscus tea? How’d it get to be 4 o’clock?

hey, jode! 'member?

anyway, here’s the scoop.

Please consider this my official resignation as a resident of the State of Florida.

thankyouthankyou, yes, it’s been a long time coming, actually since before we even arrived, and i want to thank everyone for their patience regarding all the whining and for the dreadful mood i’ve been in. FOR 4 YEARS. really. thank you. y’all are my heroes. i love you even more. i do i do! i am not even kidding. at all.

so, we are heading back to los angeles. i know--surprise, right? i was choosing not to recall the whining from the time that we left, but now i am looking at the symmetry in it and i’m tilting my head to one side and squinting a little bit and i am nodding and deciding that it is just lovely.

quick gory details are that

*no, we still haven’t sold the house but the good rental gods were kind enough to drop the perfect tenant in my lap.

*we had a CRAPLOAD OF CRAPPY CRAP SALE last weekend which would’ve been even better if a certain husband hadn’t kept giving everything away.

*i have been waiting for my traveling companion louis to get well as he has had The Most Mysterious Illness In The Whole Wide Canine World. for a while there it was pretty much a series of animal experiments going on here at the Fonda Science Center. it was very horrible, he is better, and i am hoping he’ll be at least 90% by the time i leave. i’m still not sure whether or not he’ll drive with me. he says he doesn’t know what i’m talking about, but okay, whatever.

*we are packing up the house and said certain husband wonders if i know how bossy i’m being.

*of course i do.

*my imaginary personal assistant, sasha, is a certified dreamboat. she is trying to keep me on task and when she gets a little pushy, i send her on errands which she completes efficiently, with a smile, and zero carbon emissions—on account of she’s all in my head. i love her so. she completes me.

*i’d also like to point out that i see the insanity in dragging the same shit from fl to sf to la to nc back to fl and then back to la.

not illustrated here but if you count college, the fl to nc back to fl line gets even thicker

*if i do what i say, ha, i will be leaving here next week (the 24th?), with a little layover in austin and then on to los angeles.

*certain husbands and pets will join me in december.

*here’s a picture of pets staying out of my way as i tear this house apart. they watch me like i’m a tennis match. and i'm winning.

*i will be hunting for a job and a home, so please, if you have either, speak up for lord’s sake. and if you have both, i owe you a dancing, fiery hot kiss. or two.

*maybe once i’m on the road, this blog will perk up a little.

*here's a tip: blasting houses of the holy on 11 is perfect when packing up your shit and getting ready to hit the road to your brand new old life.