husbands and wives

after the tiny miracle of remembering
where i put a piece of paper 4 months ago

can you believe i pulled that outa my ass?

yes.

what do you mean “yes”?

what do you mean “what do you mean”?

you think i’m a dipshit.

i never said that.

yeah. but you’ve thought it.

i’m not accountable for what i think, only what i say, lady.

i am rubber, you are glue

maybe one day i’ll stop complaining about this soulless retirement town,
but it’s not likely to be before our house is sold and we are in a galaxy far, far away.


they win.
they have beaten me to a bloody pulp, y’all.
there isn’t enough fonda left in me
to lure their heads out of their asses
because usually
when you beat something to death,
it stays dead.
and at this point i don’t want to anyway.
and you can’t make me.

so now I’m like eleanor fucking rigby over here,
keeping everything about me on the way down low,
leaving my charm in a cage next to my face that’s in a jar by the door.

but something crazy and spirited just happened!
now this NEVER happens to me here, which is the only reason i'm bringing it up.

i called the pharmacy to follow up on some confusion and to see
“what’s going on with my prescription?”

and without a beat, some displaced angel of god said,
“we sold it on ebay”

and with that,
I am saved.

for a little while, at least.

bourbon brownies

no need to swig on your liquor when

you can just chew it.

granted, they may not be very photogenic

but believe me when i tell you

that these brownies

are going

to

blow

your

mind.

• 2 cups brown sugar
• 1-1/2 sticks butter!
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 pint bourbon
• KIDDING
• 2-3 teaspoons bourbon
• 2 cups flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 3/4 cup chopped pecans
• 1-1/4 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup cocoa nibs

preheat oven to 350. grease 8" square baking pan with butter!.

combine sugar and butter! in a medium saucepan, heat 'til butter! melts, stir well to combine.

whisk together eggs, vanilla and bourbon in a small bowl.

combine flour, baking powder and salt in a large mixing bowl.

add butter! and sugar mixture, mixing well.

add egg mixture, and mix well.

stir in pecans, chocolate chips and cocoa nibs.

spread batter into prepared pan. bake 35-45 minutes.

cool completely before cutting.

thanks to Ann of Ponte Vedra for killing me softly with these kickass snacks.

oh, me

oh my